Ethical Shopping for Clothes: Are you ready?

A couple of weeks ago I was travelling with friends. We were hungry and wanted to get a quick bite to eat. Doing our bit for the planet, we walked out of a couple places that served food in styrofoam, in search of a more biodegradable option. In this day and age, I think we can all agree that styrofoam is a no-no.

But when it comes to shopping for clothes, I think it's a little easier to ignore our principles in favour of buying that shiny new thing that feels soft and looks so cool. But often, it's the clothing equivalent of the styrofoam container.

The statistics of how much clothing ends up in landfill are actually STAGGERING. When you buy that cheap top that looks adorable and chic in the shop but isn't going to last the year because it's made of textiles that are going to look pilly, misshapen, and falling apart at the seams, you probably won't, in good conscience, be able to donate it to charity when it starts to look like crap. So it ends up in the bin where it won't break down. Like styrofoam.

There are two considerations when it comes to clothes: ethics and sustainability. Often, a brand or a line within a brand is 'sustainable' but isn't ethically made. In other words, it might be made of an organic or recycled textile, but it's manufactured by people working in awful conditions. And in some cases, it could be the other way around (though far less often). Read more about the different considerations around the fashion industry from the Clean Clothes Campaign: poverty wages, unsafe working conditions, lack of job security, workers rights violations, union busting, lack of supply chain transparency, waste and pollution, fake claims of ethics and sustainability, gender discrimination, and exploitation of migrants. It's a pretty big list when you think about what goes into even a simple piece of clothing.

Obviously, buying second-hand clothes is a great option, but these days it's harder and harder to find cool, good quality stuff in charity shops because they're filled with disposable clothes that don't cost much less than buying new disposable clothes. And to be honest, I used to be a thrift shop junky and now there just aren't enough antihistamines or hours in a day for me to want to do the work of finding the charity shop gems.

I've been trying to weed out the low quality garments in my wardrobe and gradually replace them with pieces that I feel great about wearing in every aspect: style, quality, textile, and manufacture. Sometimes it means spending a little more, but often it just means waiting for a sale! I put myself on the mailing lists of my favourite brands, and then hit up the Clearance Sales.

Admittedly, shopping ethical brands is easier in larger countries like the United States, where there has been an explosion of ethical and sustainable fashion. Shopping ethically from Ireland often means paying for shipping and not being able to try things on in a shop before buying. But once you become familiar with a certain brand, you will have a better idea of their fit and can make more educated decisions about sizing.

Here are my top tips for buying more ethical clothing:
1. Avoid acrylic and inspect the textile. This is actually SO HARD because acrylic is in so many lovely wool products. I can't tell you how often I fall in love with a jumper only to look at the fiber content and see that it contains acrylic or nylon. Acrylic just doesn't last. It gets super pilly and will start to look ratty after just one wash. For this reason, I try to go for 100% wool or cotton, or a wool/cotton blend.

Rayon, Viscose, Lyocell, and Modal are usually safe bets, however. These are manufactured textiles that come from natural sources and will stand up to wash and wear as long as you follow the washing instructions carefully.

Remember that even if a super inexpensive garment is 100% cotton, it may still be cheaply made and not wear very well. Give it a thorough inspection before buying.

2. Don't take a 'Sustainable' label at face value. Lots of big retailers like H&M, Marks & Spencers, and Zara have sustainable lines. But often, as I mentioned, they aren't made ethically. For example, researchers recently decided to follow the supply chain of a Zara hoodie that was part of a Sustainable line and discovered that it was being made in Turkey by workers whose pay would need to be nearly doubled in order for it to be a living wage.

3. Take the time to research. It's definitely a pain. Even in Ireland in shops like Kilkenny Design that claim to only sell "Irish design" -- when you actually look at the tags, you'll find that very few pieces, if any, are made in Ireland. But this is the beauty of the internet! If you go to a company's website and they aren't promoting the conditions under which their clothes are made, that is one red flag. But there are tonnes of watchdog sites that will tell you if a company is worth giving your money to. You can follow the Clean Clothes Campaign on facebook for the latest news on ethics violations of big brands. The Business and Human Rights Resource Centre has a company index so you can see every article they have about a particular brand's human rights violations. The Public Eye is a Swiss organisation that researches all kinds of shady dealings and is definitely another one to follow.

Companies like Everlane have tonnes of information about where and how their clothes are made, which is amazing. For example, on their website you can read about how their denim is made and see photographs of the factory.

4. Follow groups who curate ethical and sustainable brands. There are lots of people doing research out there, so you don't have to. In fact, all you have to do is google 'ethical brands' and you'll find list after list of places to buy beautiful and ethical clothes. Websites like Good on You, The Good Trade, and The Minimalist Vegan are just a couple of ones to follow. Pinterest is another fantastic resource! And of course, Etsy is filled with handmade and ethical items.

Here is a list of brands I buy regularly and have been very happy with. Tell me about ethical brands you love to support!
Thought Clothing
Seasalt Cornwall
Everlane (from the US, so customs charges may apply, but I think they're worth it)
Finisterre
Beaumont Organic

I need your help with the very last bathroom reno decision

Hello friends!

Well, I'm happy to say that the upstairs bathroom renovations have gone mostly to plan, and we're in the home stretch of putting it all together. I can't wait to show you how it looks! Everything has been decided and ordered, and will be installed in the next couple of weeks...everything but one item.

There's a small space (about 55cm) between the door and the tub where I want to put a tall storage cabinet. This cabinet will conceal the shaver outlet, so it needs to have a door, at least at the top half (and not a glass door!). I have been trolling the websites for something used/vintage, and haven't found anything suitable. Buying something new is my only option, but at this stage to say I'm on a budget is an understatement!

Here's a reminder of the bathroom wallpaper and wall tile in the bath surround:

As you can see, the wallpaper is quite dark, and the wall panelling below the wallpaper is a very, very dark green. The ceiling, however is a cheerful coral pink colour!

So for the storage cabinet, I wanted to go with something on the lighter side, but NOT WHITE. The tub, basins, and toilet are white, of course, but I just don't think white is going to look good for the cabinet. This means that if I want it a certain colour, like the yellow of the tile, I'm going to have to paint it myself. Also, I like the idea of a mirrored door, as the cabinet will face the only window, so in theory, a mirror would reflect the light.

Another option is to simply go with black or nearly black, which is more readily available.

Here's the issue I'm having: the cabinet I think would look good (if painted yellow) is 200 euro. I feel like that's a lot for something I'm going to have to put labour into. Here it is, the Hemnes cabinet (left):

200 euro Hemnes

I think this one is very similar in style to the dresser I converted for the double sinks. It's simple, but not as cheap looking as some of the others.

For example, this cabinet is 70 euro cheaper (once you buy legs), which is significant. but it just doesn't look nearly as nice to me:

130 euro Silveran

So if I want to avoid painting, I am considering dark options. For example, this mirrored cabinet is even cheaper, coming in at about 100 euro with legs:

100 euro Lillangen

But I kind of... hate it? And the trim around the door is chrome, which I'm not into.

This leads me to wonder whether I should just forget about having a mirrored door. The Lillangen without the mirror would probably be inoffensive with a different handle and nice legs (and ditch those hooks at the top). It's still 100 euro, but I think it looks nicer:

If I go dark and non-mirrored, there are other inexpensive options, but honestly they aren't much better than this. 

What do you think? Should I just pay more and do the labour to get the thing I want? Or should I compromise?

Why I Quit My 15 Year-long Messageboard Habit

Back when I met my partner in 2004, in the days before Facebook was known to the general public, in the days of Friendster, MySpace, and Livejournal, he told me about the messageboard called Honeypump. At the time, I was working in a very boring office job with nothing to do for most of the day. I did so much online shopping during that time, I memorised my credit card number.

I registered on the Honeypump messageboard with the avatar 'Appletree' and it's the only name I've ever used. There are probably more than a few people out in there in the world who only know me as Appletree. A handful of people on the board, most of whom were based in Boston or had a Boston connection, used their real names, but most people used handles. Sometimes people would change names and you'd have to figure out who they were.

Some of the people on the board knew each other, some were strangers to nearly everyone, and some people started off as strangers but started to meet other board members in real life. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of three years and before that had gotten divorced -- in both cases I'd found myself needing to find a new friend group. So the timing was great -- I met a bunch of very nice people from the messageboard and they became my 'real life' social circle.

At the same time, the board was chock full of drama. Some of the drama originated from theoretical or political arguments, and some of it arose from real scenarios of conflicts that spilled over onto the internet. And I wasn't immune to either of these scenarios. As it was still the early days of the internet, and most of us were on the young side (though, in my early 30s, I was old enough to know better), so I think there was a learning curve in terms of healthy ways to conduct ourselves in this nameless, faceless space. But the drama made it a great way to stave off loneliness and to kill time in a cubicle.

When I moved to Brooklyn, I found a local messageboard called 'Williamsboard,' and that became my new online hangout. As I'd done in Boston, I went to board hangouts and became friends with some of the posters. I'll admit that it got a bit addictive at that time for me. I wasn't in a great place emotionally, and I felt overwhelmed by my school work and the financial pressures of living in New York. So I spent a lot of time on the board when I should have been doing assignments. But when I got myself on the 'top 20 posters list', I felt a weird sense of pride. Looking back, I see how messed up my priorities were and how bad it was for my mental health to escape into a world of jokes and pithy quips as a means to escaping a life where I didn't feel I was measuring up.

Honeypump ended, and another board called Lemmingtrail replaced it. Lemmingtrail went down, and that was replaced with another board, and again, and again. Each time, less and less people followed. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat had long replaced the internet messageboard. And I think by then, most of the messageboard veterans didn't have much use for that sort of thing anymore.

I found myself, nearly 15 years on, still posting. Sure, not with the same zeal or need as in the early days, but I remained a consistent 'regular poster' on the latest iteration of the board, which by now consisted of about half people I knew in 'real life' and a handful of people I only knew from the board. It's a funny grey area to be around people in an online space for over a decade. You aren't friends. You don't even know their real names. But they know things about you, and you know things about them. In this latest version of the board, because it was so small, I found myself sharing a lot of personal feelings and getting good advice. I hope I was able to contribute helpfully to others needing someone to talk to. But I also posted about my home renovations, clothes, shitting, exercising, and dumb stock photos I came across at work. It was a lovely outlet to have during the day when I needed a breather from my job.

All along, none of the boards I posted to were particularly diverse. I'd guess about 70 to 80% dudes, all cis gender. Only a very few of us were queer. Only a couple of people were not white. Nearly everyone had gone to college. In other words, a hot bed of privilege, myself included.

As a woman, I obviously move through a male-dominated world. If I didn't come to terms with that, as most women do, I'd be roaming the streets, ranting and raving like a lunatic, because it can make  you crazy sometimes. I think the most frustrating part of being a woman is that when you do finally find the courage to speak out and ask men to be more compassionate people, they usually respond by being less so. I am 46 years old and I have seen this play out more times than I can count. I'd say it's human nature, and maybe it is, but it's definitely a male quality. And I don't #notallmen me because I firmly believe that any 'decent' man will act horribly under certain circumstances.

This is a very long-winded way of describing what made me quit, despite the pangs of sadness I feel over the decision. And I want to write about it here because this is my space, where I have complete control. I want to write about it because the conversation is still happening without me. And I want to write about it because writing is how I make sense of things.

One of the threads on the board was about movies we'd seen -- old or new -- for people to post their opinions of films they'd just watched. Someone posted that they'd seen 'Hannah Gadsby: Nanette', a Netflix special that came out back in June 2018. It got a huge amount of attention for Gadsby's groundbreaking social commentary. I'll just copy and paste the synopsis of the show here: "Gadsby uses the piece to deconstruct the nature of comedy and asks the "straight white male" to undergo the same tension that marginalized people go through every day. She does this by explaining her experience as a lesbian and gender non-conforming woman. She explains that some are brought up to hate themselves, while others are brought up with the licence to hate others. Her realisation is that the self-deprecating humour common to standup comedy is doubly painful for marginalised people, because it is joining the chorus of people who insult and belittle them already. This leads her to conclude that she can no longer do standup comedy, and structures the piece around claiming she is giving up comedy. She has since stated that she is not doing so after all due to the surprising response to her show."

When it came out, I remember being impressed at how important the show was to so many people I knew or followed online. Gadsby had articulated something essential.

I was really excited to watch it! I put it on one Friday night after a long week and, predictably, fell asleep. I kept meaning to go back and watch the part I missed (ie, most of it). My partner, who didn't fall asleep, wasn't that impressed. "I don't get how it was so revolutionary," he said, "It was all stuff that was like, duh, of course -- I thought everyone knew that." I told him no, I don't think most people do.

Fast forward to this thread on the board. A single, brief post, stood out to me, which said, simply, "Nanette was so bad."

Ok, so, I had two separate-but-related reactions. First, one of my big pet peeves is when people say, "[X] Sucks", or "[X] is awful", thus dismissing it as if they are the arbiter of taste and it's so obvious that it needs no further explanation and implying that if you like [X], then you don't know what you're talking about, because it's awful. My pet peeve has been dismissed numerous times on the messageboard with the (condescending) explanation that if someone says something sucks, it's obviously their opinion (duh!). And, apparently, my opinion that actually it is precisely that it isn't presented as opinion, but FACT, is invalid. My being bothered by it sucks, if you will.

It's not that I saw Nanette and thought it was so amazing that I wouldn't have anyone cast aspersions on it. As I mentioned, I didn't see most of it. But I knew how important it was, and that simple statement of dismissal and disdain represented something really significant to me: extreme privilege.

Here, in Nanette we have a queer, gender non-conforming rape survivor creating art (yes, a standup special that turns the concept of standup comedy on its head and challenges the patriarchy is definitely art) engineered to challenge straight white male power, not just in comedy, but just generally, and here's a straight white male saying, ugh so bad. I think that needs to be examined. I think we need to stop and linger on that a minute. I think we need to unpack what that means.

For me, it's not a mere difference of opinion. I don't mind if this guy didn't like Nanette. You didn't like it? Fine. Articulate why. Engage with it. Treat it like it at least matters, if not to you, then someone. Because it should matter! But it shouldn't only matter to women and queers. It should matter to the straight white guys in our lives who want a better world for people who aren't straight white guys. I'd have more respect for a scathing critique of Nanette than a mere "so bad". "So bad" means, to me, "I am so comfortable in my privilege that I care more that the 'comedy' special wasn't funny than about the fact that this person risked their entire career, exposed their own trauma, told their truth, and spoke out against their oppression. It wasn't funny and so it was bad. End of story, nothing more to say."

I decided to comment and to try and unpack my response to his two word review, which was to immediately thing hmmm I guess he's not an ally. And that's about where I think most of the dudes on the board stopped reading. My point can be summed up like this:

Maybe if the performance you're critiquing was created by a marginalised person and is about their experience of oppression, how about considering not dismissing it so heartlessly? How about acknowledging that you didn't like it while maintaining its value? It's not hard. They think I am being pedantic but there actually is a big, big difference between "I didn't enjoy it" and "It was so bad."

And so the conversation still continues that when I said words to the effect of, "When I read what you wrote, I thought you aren't a good ally" that I was both accusing him of not being an ally and saying he was homophobic. I said neither of those things. I was sharing my reaction, which is to say, "Your saying that makes you sound, to me, like you aren't an ally." And P.S. You don't have to be a homophobe to be a shit ally.

An ally is "a person or organisation that cooperates with or helps another in a particular activity". If you're an ally to a marginalised group, you are, to some degree, helping them in their fight against oppression. If you aren't helping, then you aren't an ally, no matter how great your opinions are.

So here's what happened. Dudes read what I wrote, put words in there and intentions in there that I didn't have. Other dudes read the interpretations and superimposed them onto my words, and then their interpretations became my words, no matter how many times I instructed them back to what I actually said. My voice became drowned. Finally I said whatever, let's move on. I didn't want to put the kind of energy it takes to get a bunch of dudes on a messageboard to change their opinions about something because I'm not sure it's ever happened in the history of internet messageboards.

(As an aside, if your comment starts off with a disclaimer that you know you sound like an Male Rights Activist, maybe consider not sounding like a Male Rights Activist.)

So I accepted that most of these people were never going to get my actual point and would rather slap each other on the back than to ask me clarifying questions about my point of view with the aim of greater understanding and... yep... being better allies. They'd no intention or desire to be better allies. Only self-assurance that they're super cool guys with great opinions that I can take or leave and if I was bent out of shape, it was my fault. The irony is that I don't give a shit what anyone thinks of Nanette. I incorrectly assumed (very funny now, in retrospect) that the person would be like, "Jeez, I didn't realise that saying what I said made me sound like I wasn't an ally. Maybe I'll avoid saying things that make me sound like I'm not an ally, because I am an ally and I want to come off as one because I love my LGBTQ friends." Nah. As I've seen over and over and over again, when you ask a straight, cis white man to change their way of thinking, they dig their heels in nearly every time.

Pushing on, I continued to post about the funny stock photos at work and other similarly banal topics. I figured I could put the situation behind me. But then that's when I was confronted with another reality: I was being mocked. My posts, which had been wildly misinterpreted, were still on their minds. Because god forbid we should move on when a man has been called homophobic! And told he can't have OPINIONS! How can she just keep posting here when she's policed our speech in such a heartless fashion! We can't say anything is bad anymore without this woman telling us we're having opinions wrong!

With a heavy heart, I quit the board. I'm quite sad over it. I'm not sure I've ever quit such a long-formed habit in my life. Logging onto the board had been a daily ritual. I already miss it. But I had to decide that my relationship with men has changed. Putting myself in the firing line isn't worth it anymore. Being where I'm devalued isn't worth it anymore. I can't purposely place myself in a space where I'm not respected and where my thoughts are treated like ammunition to distort and throw back in my face. They acted like I was trying to police them, but it was me who was policed.

It's wild! To ask someone to just merely consider another point of view and then to be treated like this idea, so altruistic, is the actual problem. After everything that's happened in human history! It's actually fascinating. And depressing.

Makeup thoughts, part 2

My last post was really the bare-bones basics for someone who wants to wear a little makeup, but doesn't want to go full glam. Now I want to dig a little deeper! I'd like to talk about other ways to use makeup -- I didn't talk about concealer, contouring, highlighter, makeup removal, or more creative and dramatic ways to approach the eyes. So, let's do it!

One thing to keep in mind when you watch tutorials on Youtube and Instagram is that these people are doing makeup to look good on camera or in a photo. In real life, they often look very, very different and not in a good way. And you've probably seen these kinds of makeup jobs in person, too, where it's like yiiiikes what is going on there? My point is that just because an influencer is flogging a product or technique and it looks great on them, it might not be great for you.

Before I buy a product, I'll usually do a search for the product name and review, and usually you'll find more than a few people who have made videos about their experiences with it. (Note: avoid "unboxing" videos because usually they're just literally the person taking the thing out of the box, putting some on their hand, and telling you about the consistency and smell.) Of course, just because some of the reviews are negative, doesn't mean the product isn't for you. For example, the person might have a different skin type than you or live in a much different climate. There's a Youtuber I like who has oily skin and lives in Florida so I take that into account when buying for my dry skin in a cold and wet climate.

🔳 Concealer can be your friend, but it can also be your enemy, especially if you are a woman of a certain age, like me. If you've ever watched a young Youtuber give a makeup tutorial, they will often slather on concealer in big triangles under their eyes, blend it in, and then set it with powder. If you have any fine lines or wrinkles under your eyes, let me tell you this will not look good in five minutes as the makeup settles into your lines. (I've posted a video below that shows how to avoid that.)

So there are three products that come in handy when you have something you'd like to cover up or minimise, like redness around the nose, under-eye darkness or discolouration, or a spot: colour corrector, concealer, and setting powder.

Step 1: Colour corrector. First let me say that you don't always need to use colour corrector, but it can really help. How you use colour corrector is going to depend mostly on what you're covering and what your skin tone is. They also come in pots, sticks, tubes, and more. The basic idea is that you apply the opposite colour of what you're covering. Colour correcting sets will have a variety of colours for this purpose, like this one from Anastasia Beverly Hills:

There are loaaaads of youtube tutorials on colour corrector, but the best thing is to find one made by someone with a skin type and tone similar to your own. Here are a couple selections:

Step 2: Concealer. You want to put a bit of concealer over the thing you colour corrected. The concealer should match your skin as closely as possible in that area at that time. (You might be lighter or darker depending on how much sun or self-tanner you've been exposed to lately.) 

Step 3: Setting powder. Just a smidge will do! Lightly dust the spot you covered up with translucent powder. Some people think you need to put foundation over concealer, but you really really don't.

Here are some other tutorials for covering specific areas/issues:

An overall no-foundation look using concealer:

How to cover up a spot:

How to prevent concealer from creasing:

How to conceal dark circles under the eyes:

If you're going for full face coverage, here's a deep dive into how to use concealer with foundation:

🔳 Contouring can be fun! Done properly, contour and highlighting can really make your cheekbones stand out, define your jawline, and it can even change the perceived shape of your nose! Done incorrectly, you can look like you've got painted stripes on your face. The key is to build thin layers so you don't apply too much and then blend, blend, blend.

Usually contour/highlighting products are powders, but they can come in creamy consistencies, or you can also contour with darker shades of foundation or tinted moisturiser. There are also different takes on where to apply the products -- for example, you'll see guides that tell you to apply them in different areas according to your face shape. But really, this is the basic concept:

I absolutely love the finished look in this tutorial. Shonagh Scott has created contours by simply using different shades of tinted moisturiser and the result is extremely natural and sun-kissed:

Here is a tutorial for a subtle look if you wear foundation:

This tutorial uses only different shades of concealer to contour and highlight:

If you're a little older, these might be the tutorials for you. The first is with cream products:

And  this one is with powder products:

And finally, there's a cool invention called 'setting spray' for keeping it all in place! It kind of reminds me of being in art class when we used to spray a finished drawing to keep the charcoal from going all over the place. Or hairspray, I suppose.

I have an allergy which keeps me from using setting spray myself, but there are loads of options at many price points. Some of them give you a 'dewy glow' and some of them have some SPF, while some are made for oily or dry skin. But if you find that your makeup doesn't stay put, especially in summer, give setting spray a go!

I didn't talk about everything I wanted to in this post, but sure I'll leave it here for now. And maybe tell me which products you're using so I can try them!

Greywood Arts, final thoughts

I wanted to do a post about yesterday, but the day conspired against me.

I woke up late-ish but managed to sit down to work by 10:41am, still in the sweats I slept in. I wasn't warm, but the content must have been hard on my nerves because I could feel lines of sweat dripping down from my armpits. The next thing I knew, it was half past four and I hadn't even taken a break for lunch. But instead of eating, I went for a run because the weather was gorgeous and I thought a run would help me unwind from the hours of difficult writing.

And it was a brilliant run. I ran a longer distance than the run earlier in the week, but somehow it seemed to go by more quickly. I showered, changed, and planned to go for dinner with Mary and Yoni in a couple of hours. Mary gave me a handful of peanuts and I munched on a few corn cakes to tide me over.

But within ten minutes of sitting back at the computer, I felt a strange sensation, as if my hands weren't attached to my body. I stopped typing and realised that I was having the outer body sensation that signals an oncoming migraine. Oh no! Yup. I got up and walked around, trying to figure out whether I was right. The visuals hadn't started yet, but all the other signs were there.

Luckily the others decided to go to dinner an hour early. I took a boat load of nurofen and hoped for the best. The visuals started on cue about 15 minutes later, but I powered through them as well as the foggy brain and trouble finding words or stringing sentences together! Eventually I felt mostly normal.

We got Colm's number and sent him a text to meet us at the pub. The four of us enjoyed our last night together, telling stories and making each other laugh. I wish we could have had a little bit longer here, in this oasis. Today, I'll head back to Dublin, Mary goes to Cork, and Yoni will stay on in Greywood for a couple of weeks more. But the good news is that both of them are stopping in Dublin before they leave Ireland, so I don't have to say proper good-byes today! My bus will arrive to bring me to Cork in about a half hour, and then I'll return to regular life.

In terms of results - I have over 34,500 words of my book complete. It's maybe about half of what I was going for, but actually I think I'm about 2/3 finished. That's something I feel really proud of. I know it won't be long before I'm done. I worked my way through the tough bits that had been the real hurdles, so from here on out I have a very clear vision of my process. I am actually looking forward to the process, whereas before I thought mostly about the product.

So, all in all I know I wrung the experience as best as I possibly could and made the most of my time here and I return to Dublin with a feeling of great satisfaction.

Writing Week Day 4

I'm actually beside myself with exhaustion so I will try to be brief.

Last night I had trouble getting to sleep because one of the other residents had said "a woman" (aka a ghost) had briefly visited her room and I was a bit terrified to turn out the light. But it was fine.

Woke up at about half nine, showered, ate a bit of toast, and then went straight into it for about half ten. I worked without a break until nearly six o'clock, not even lunch. It was amazing. I'm up to almost 30,000 words now.

There was to be an event on a 7pm, so I cooked myself some spaghetti and ate it as quickly as I could. The event was an art share that started with a facilitated conversation between the Irish author Orla McAlinden and the artist Mary Coss. I'd say about ten people showed up, which was perfect. Their conversation was really compelling, and I found Orla's story about writing her first book really motivating. She was a veterinarian, and when her father died, she started writing stories using his voice as the inspiration. But seeing as she couldn't publish the stories (some of the featured characters still being alive), she decided to write other stories. And now her second book has just been published.

After the talk, Yoni played three of the movements on piano from the project he's working on. It was absolutely lovely. Although I have often heard him play since I've been here, it's been all stops and starts, and impossible to hear any sort of arrangement. So it was amazing to hear the results of all those stops and starts!

Finally, Jess asked if I wanted to share a bit of what I'm working on. I read a section of my book that talked about not having enough courage when it came time to help my dad use the urinal. I had picked out a second bit, but I chickened out reading that one. But the feedback on what I did read was incredible. I do think I'm really onto something. I can feel that my story will really resonate with so many people, even though at the moment sometimes I worry that it's pedestrian.

One thing I'm realising through this process: I used to describe this book as a book about my father. And as I write, I'm realising that my father's actual, healthy, real personality is actually virtually absent. Cancer erased so much of his essence. The story is about me. I never thought of it as a story about me before, but it definitely is. As it should be. The only one qualified to tell my father's story is him. I mean, it makes sense. Writing is largely a narcissistic endeavour. But I want to tell my story so that other people who have been or will go through this experience can read it and see themselves.

One woman at the event spoke up and said that only a couple of days ago, she'd been to her parents' house to care for her mother and father, who had both been in a fall (one fell atop the other). And she said that the passage from my book that I read was almost exactly what happened to her. "You need to write this book," she said, emphatically. Later, I got into a conversation with another woman who was talking about another point I was talking about relating to being assertive and advocating for your loved one. She told me that I could probably get funding from patient advocacy groups.

I didn't realise it, but I think I really needed the encouragement. I'm just over halfway done with what I planned to do. I may not finish it all before I leave here, but if I don't, I'm 1000% certain I'll finish very soon upon my return. I know that I can finish, I will finish, and I will find my audience, too. 

Writing Week Day 3

Oh my goodness. What a time I've had just now. But wait - let me start at the beginning.

I didn't sleep as well last night as the night before -- probably because I got my period and also I had a couple of glasses of wine and I should know by now that wine (even a glass or two) negatively affects my sleep. But even still, I slept better than normal, so this is in no way a complaint.

I made myself a little omelet and some toast and then it was straight into it. I sat down to work and basically worked from about 10-something to 5-something. I didn't even break for lunch. I now have 18,500 words down. Some of the parts I worked on today felt a bit tedious. And a lot of the story isn't literary -- it's difficult to be literary when you're talking about the minutiae of death. So much of the story is like, I bought him a steak and he only had three bites. But I want to include that bit because it's a true representation of what happens when you're desperately trying to keep someone alive.

I was thinking about that bit in Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man - you know, the hardest section of the book, where the priest is giving that long sermon about hell. It's so fucking long and boring that by the end of it, you really start to feel like you are actually in hell. Well I guess the thing about what I'm writing is that I want to really convey how tedious and relentless it is to be obsessed with another person's food intake. I don't want to gloss over the long-winded, desperate planning that goes into finding the perfect food that they're going to gobble right up, and look at you, and say, "That was delicious, I'll have approximately 500 more, and then once I eat these, I promise I'll have the will to live and we'll all be so happy, and p.s. I'm never going to die. Thank you for buying me this shake." Because this is the fantasy land that carers live in and I want to be true to that life.

So anyways, Mary, the amazing sculptural artist here, is doing a really neato project that entails recording women's stories and she asked to interview me. So I stopped working and went up to be interviewed. The mic stopped recording a half hour in, so I went for a walk while she sorted out the technical difficulties. My MdDS has definitely come back, although mildly, and I decided that I should probably walk for the sake of my vestibular system. While I was walking (and being rained on), I chatted to my sister Tina. We had a lovely chat. Then I returned so Mary could re-record me. There were still some technical issues, but we left it because by then it was 8:30pm and our stomachs were growling.

Next door there's a thatched roof restaurant with tourist prices, but we had 10% off coupons and it appears to be the only half-decent restaurant in the village. Yoni joined us, and as usual we updated each other on our projects. We talked about vegetarianism, our artistic goals for our time here, and various other very interesting subjects. When it became clear that the restaurant side of the establishment was closing, we moved over to the bar, where a man named Callum was already drinking. Mary introduced us. Callum helps Jess and Hugh with bits and pieces here in the house, and that's how he and Mary were already acquainted. He introduced himself to me and Yoni, but already seemed to know a bit about each of us.

We then proceeded to have one of the most hilarious and entertaining conversations that I have ever had. Callum has lived here in Killeagh for 40 years. Previous to that, he was living in Dublin for a couple of years, and then previous to that he was born and reared in Derry (the county, not the city). He wore an Easter Lily pin that he said someone stuck on that particular shirt several years ago, and has never come off since.

Do you ever just laugh and laugh and laugh so much that you realise you can't remember when you last laughed that much? That's how this conversation went. All four of us were in absolute stitches. And it worked perfectly -- each person added a funny element to the conversation and it definitely would not have been as entertaining if even one of us hadn't been there. First we talked about this house being haunted. Then we moved onto ghost stories, crazy artists who stayed in the house, stories about the house's previous tenants, the church conductor, flying in planes, and more. It was one of those times when I felt completely in the moment, listening intently, translating Callum's accent for the other two, telling jokes and stories, and thinking this is fucking amazing. This makes life worth living. This is what I want to recreate when I write, or at the very least put a name to.

So it's later than I'd like it to be, and I'll go to bed now. But first I want to say something.

You don't have to have the perfect job to live the life that you want to live. You can live a great life in other ways. I used to think that if I didn't have certain things, then I was a failure. Now I see that as long as I can feel joy or feel that joy is possible, I will never be a failure. 

Writing Week Day 2

Before I talk about Day 2, I have some more things to say about Day 1!

After I wrote yesterday's blog post, I went out for pints with the other two artists here this week. The first is a young composer named Yoni, who is one of the most interesting people I've ever met. He grew up in Jerusalem and Montreal, but has lived in India and New York and is especially well travelled for his age. He speaks Hebrew, Russian, English, and French (and maybe a bit of Romanian and Albanian, if memory serves?). When he said he was from Jerusalem rather than Israel, I immediately picked up on the tension - I do something similar when I am anticipating a certain reaction to where I'm from. I kind of ... bend the location a little. So in other words, I didn't write him off or confront him when I learned he was from Israel. I knew from the second I met him that he was a nice person, and it would have taken a lot for me to think otherwise. ANYHOO - let's just say he mentioned having a Palestinian friend and after two days I am unwavering in my conviction that he's someone who will make the world a better place.

The other artist is Mary, an artist from Seattle, Washington. The projects she was talking about sounded super impressive and also extremely cool and interesting. Right away, from the second she introduced herself to me, I felt like I knew her. She's 64 but honestly I was kind of shocked because she has an extremely youthful affect. And she is so beautifully open and curious. You know how sometimes people get to a certain age and they act like people younger than them don't have anything interesting to say? Well Mary had lots of questions for me and Yoni, and then shared her insights, and the conversation just flowed in a lovely trajectory.

But here's what I wanted to tell you about. So we were talking about the US -- I haven't been there for over three years, so when I talk to someone who lives there I usually have a lot of questions. Yoni was saying that apart from a visit to New York, he hadn't been to the rest of the US except for a wedding in Florida. I was just about to launch into a speech about how much I hate Florida, when I asked him what part of Florida the wedding was. He said it was on the coast, south of Orlando. "Melbourne?" he said, "On the beach..."
"Melbourne Beach??" I asked. He said yes, the wedding was in Melbourne Beach. That's where my grandparents lived for like 25 years. Then, he said, "But I actually stayed in a nearby town - I think it was called Palm Bay." I was absolutely stunned. Palm Bay is the town where my father was living when he died. And his death in Palm Bay was what I came here to write about. What are the odds that I'd meet a guy from Jerusalem in Ireland who had been to Palm Bay and Melbourne Beach? There's even a whole section of my book where I talk about going to Melbourne Beach with my siblings. What the heck!!

So I had an absolutely blissful night's sleep on the amazing bed with this amazing pillow and this amazingly quiet room. Honestly the entire trip was nearly worth the one night of sleep that I got, it was that good. I fixed myself some breakfast, had a bit of a chat with Mary, and sat down to work. I made some decent headway, until I hit about 10,000 words and decided it would be a good time to go for a run. Laced up, I headed to these wood trails around the corner. It took a little figuring out, and I still didn't do the route that I planned, but holy smokes. First of all, I left my phone in the house. I wanted to be really present. It was amazing. The woods have some of the most gorgeous trees I've ever seen and rhododendron trees, which I did not know could even grow that high. Some of them were over two storeys tall. And the smell of dirt! It reminded me of New Hampshire and the many, many hours I spent in the woods around our house, just exploring. And I didn't do too bad with the running, either - there were some long stretches of uphill terrain, but I just did what I could do and walked when I felt like it. But mostly I ran the whole way! As I was running, I ran some things about the day's writing over in my head. I let my mind go wherever I wanted it to.

And I also decided that this week is, hands down, the greatest gift I have ever given myself. And the best part is that I can totally do it again, as many times as I want!

Running feels life affirming in the most literal way. And it's something I wrote about in this book, but I want to expand on it a bit when I get to that part. Running is not something I particularly excel at, but it is something that I always go back to, again and again, when I want to feel happiness. It's a form of meditation for me. I don't care if I can't run the longest or the fastest. I just like to run and feel my body living and working while I can. Running definitely kept me sane when my father was sick and afterwards.

When I came back from my run, I made a little cheese and tomato sandwich, took a shower, and sat down to work for another two and a half hours. So far, I have nearly 13,000 words of my draft finished. The panic of whether I will accomplish my goals is starting to dissipate. I feel confident that if the next three and a half days go as well as the last day and a half have gone, I will leave here with a full first draft of my book. I don't know whether anyone else will think it's any good, but if I'm happy with how it comes out, it won't really matter. At my age, dreams of being some famous writer fell away a long time ago.

I went to dinner tonight with Mary and Yoni -- the restaurant next door closed early because of the bank holiday, so we went to a Chinese place. Chinese places are kind of a crap shoot in Ireland. Mary was gutsy and ordered squid. Yoni and I got vegetarian dishes. I was slightly amazed that we all enjoyed our food. All three of us were glowing from the buzz of productive days. I'm happy. I'm just so happy. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self that happiness is possible and one day you'll feel true joy. I wish I could go back in time and tell my grieving self that no, you won't always feel suffocated with sadness and loss. But they're two sides of a coin, aren't they? And you can't have a rich life without those coins. xoxo

Writing Week Day 1

I started my journey to Greywood Arts in Killeagh, Co. Cork, before 8am. I treated myself to a cab, which dropped me at Heuston Station with nearly 30 minutes to spare before my train to Cork City (leg 1 of my journey). Traveling without Mark makes me feel like a tourist without his Irish accent to validate my existence in this country. Once in my seat, I decided to get straight to work. I began to read the printout of journal entries, and started making notes and highlighting each section with different colours, based on whether I thought they were good to use, could be used with significant editing, or whether they needed to go. I noted where I needed to add details, and where I might talk about different developments along the way. I was a little paranoid that I'd somehow miss the stop at Mallow and forget to switch trains, so I stopped reading two stops ahead of Mallow. I made the switch without a bother, and before I knew it, I was in Cork.

I had an hour to kill in Cork, which was good because I wanted to pick up some conditioner and shampoo, which I did. But I nearly got on the wrong bus because there are two number 40 Expressway buses leaving the same bus station at roughly the same time, except one goes to Waterford and one goes to Tralee. I tried to get on the Tralee one because I didn't see the Waterford one -- I had even put my suitcase in the boot. But luckily the bus driver (who was much more confused than he should have been, all things considered) told me I needed the bus to Waterford, not Tralee. So I grabbed my suitcase and booked it to the opposite end of the platform area, only to bump into a guy who was standing next to the Waterford bus, trying to figure out how the heck he was supposed to get to Tralee. I told him about the other 40 bus, and he took off running. I think he literally got to the bus a second before it pulled out.

The bus ride was unremarkable. I ate a falafel wrap and a cookie. I thanked my lucky stars for technology as I tracked the bus location on my phone because the bus driver was not announcing the stops. I got off the bus, grabbed my suitcase, looked up, and there was the sign for Greywood. Jessica (a fellow US ex-pat from Connecticut) showed me around the place and omg Mark would be so jealous if he could see it. I have my very own room for writing that overlooks trees and a river. My bedroom is so lovely, too. Killeagh (pronounced Kill-AH, if anyone is wondering) village is also very cute.

I chatted with Jessica for a while and then I got to work. I finished reading my print-out, which was hard in bits because of the subject matter, obviously. I realised that it's been years since I re-read it all and some of it I don't even remember writing. Some of it I had forgotten had happened! And some of my descriptions of how I was feeling and what I was doing still resonated so strongly that I have to thank myself for having written so much down as it was happening.

But now that I've gone through everything and made these notes, it all feels much more manageable. I just have to sort out this beginning bit (aka the part that has been the stumbling block for the past 9 years - no big deal) and then I think I'll be flying.

There's just one kind of big problem. I think that the long train and bus ride has caused my Mal de Débarquement Syndrome to return. This is an issue I had after a trip to Italy in late 2017 that lasted for nearly 5 months where I felt like I was on a boat constantly. After working for a couple of hours at the table, I had to admit that the sensation of floating was creeping in. So I went and took a short walk and then I came back and made some dinner, after which I felt much better -- pretty much normal. But then it seems that when I sit back down and try to work, it comes back. Very frustrating. So I'm going to stop for the night, maybe go for a pint, get a good night's sleep, and then tomorrow morning I'll go for a run and maybe do some vestibular exercises. Think good thoughts for me. xo

Random post about makeup

I actually don't wear much makeup. Most days lately I'll wear 3 products: mascara, blush, and some eyebrow gel mayyyybe with some tinted lip balm. HOWEVER, I do love makeup, I watch a lot of tutorials, and I like to keep abreast of makeup trends and such.

Recently a friend of mine asked about a sort of makeup for beginners - she doesn't really wear much makeup herself and she was looking for tips on products to buy and how to apply. I have been saying for months that I'd put something together, so here it is!

So this post is for the non-makeup wearer or the person who doesn't want to spend a lot of time doing makeup. These are the essentials.

1. Brushes. In the old days eye makeup came with a little spongey applicator and blush came with a little brush. Nowadays you need to buy your own tools. And boy you can spend a lot of money on brushes! Personally, I invested in this Zoeva eye brush set for 74 euro and bought brushes for other parts of my face separately. However, Real Techniques brushes are readily available in most Irish chemists, and honestly they are very good. This is a good set for the eyes to start with. You don't want to go too cheap and make sure whatever you get is nice and soft.

For the face, I find that I mostly just use a blush brush and a powder brush, but it's good to have some others on hand, such as a brush for a little contour or in specific spots like under the eyes or for applying concealer. This set from Real Techniques should do the trick.

Here's a youtube video on brushes for beginners:

2. An eyelash curler. This is a must. It will instantly make your eyes look bigger and make you look more awake. I recently bought an expensive one and didn't think it was any better than the drugstore one I had before. This one from Tweezerman gets really good reviews. I will say that really cheap ones (like the ones in Penneys) will do in a pinch but I wouldn't buy one for regular use.

Now... onto the actual makeup!

3. Get a decent eye shadow palette. You don't have to spend a lot of money, but also don't just buy any old palette because there is huge variation of quality. If you're reading reviews of an eye shadow, you want to know that it's what the beauty gurus call 'pigmented.' In other words, you don't need to use much for the colour to show up. If you're someone who doesn't wear a lot of makeup and who wants to keep it simple, go for a neutral palette that has mostly matte shades. Something like NYX's Lid Lingerie Shadow Palette, which only costs a tenner. My go-to is an old Urban Decay Basics palette kind of like this one, which sells for 32 euro.

When it comes to application, you can keep it really simple! But, here's the thing...

4. Ya gotta prime! In this modern age, primers are a fantastic invention. For the eyes, there are loads of options and I've been known to use a frosted primer and call it a day! But usually primers aren't tinted or else they have only a hint of colour. I use a product from MAC called Pro Longwear Paint Pot in the shade 'Painterly'. It's a little on the pricey side at 22 euro, but it lasts forever. It's like a cream that just conceals the veins and discolouration in my eyelids. As I get older, my eyelids have become more uneven in tone, so I like to just even it all out with something thicker. But basically any old eye primer will do.

So, back to number 3 - there are obviously a million tutorials out there. Maybe more than a million? But for the basics you don't even need to watch them. My first advice is to use glittery, foiled, or shimmery shadows very, very sparingly, especially if you're a little older, and especially for daytime. If you've only got five minutes, really just one shade of shadow is all you need. Be sure to blend it out so there are no harsh lines at the edges.

I found this fantastic graphic for knowing where to put which shades where:

5. Mascara is really all you need. A few years ago, my friend Emma told me that Bobbi Brown had the best mascara. So I bought some. And she was right! But I wanted to see if I could find something even better and also a tubing mascara that worked just as well. What is tubing mascara, you ask? According to Beauty Haven, "Regular mascara coats pigment on your lashes, whereas tubing mascara contains flexible polymers that actually wrap themselves around each of your lashes, ensuring that each lash has 360-degree coverage." And let me tell you. Good tubing mascara does. not. smudge. If you're like me and you have oily eyelids and you find yourself having to wipe off mascara smudging throughout the day, then consider tubing mascara. I have tried at least 10 different mascaras that people have claimed to be tubing mascaras, and let me tell you people are wrong a lot of the time. However a couple of tubing mascaras that are the real deal are the No 7 Stay Perfect Mascara (in Boots) for 18 euro and the Estee Lauder Double Wear Zero Smudge Lengthening Mascara for 27 euro. These will give you a pretty natural look so if it's high drama you're after, stick with a non-tubing mascara.

But for regular mascaras, I've been to the moon and back and haven't found anything better than Bobbi Brown's Eye Opening Mascara for 29.50 euro. Other ones I tried were either really clumpy or else didn't give me the length I was after.

6. Don't forget your brows. If you're new to makeup, it can be a bit jarring the first time you put makeup on your eyebrows, especially if your eyebrows are light in colour or density. However, it can really make a big difference to your overall look and you don't have to go full BROW -- just a little bit of product can go a long way. I have extremely slim and light brows, so most days I use a brow gel to just make my eyebrows stand out a bit more. There are some great brow gels out there, but the two I currently use are NYX tinted brow mascara for 8 euro and Glossier Boy Brow for 15 euro, which is a little more sheer. When I have extra time, I'll fill them in properly with either a pencil or a brow powder. I switch up the brow pencils with inexpensive brands, and the powder is just a cheap one from Wet and Wild. But there are a gazillion different brow products from microbladers to different kind of pencils and gels, etc. Anastasia brow products have a great reputation.

7. The face: the options can be overwhelming! I consider makeup for the face completely optional. Firstly, because I was blessed with pretty decent skin, but also because I do not like the sensation of having makeup on my face. For one thing, I blow my nose a LOT so a fair bit of makeup inevitably comes off from my nose and around my nose, including around my mouth. I also don't like worrying about makeup coming off on my clothes, or settling into my wrinkles or wearing off unevenly. HOWEVER, for special events I will wear a full face and I definitely look more polished when I do.

Having said that, there are products that can give you a little polish without being old timey full coverage foundation. These are tinted moisturisers, BB creams (a little heavier than a tinted moisturiser), CC creams (the CC stands for Colour Correcting), and even DD creams, which is supposedly like a BB/CC cream combo. There are also tinted primers that some people use over a moisturiser. And some of the above offer different options like SPF and anti-oxidants. And all of the above are available in a wide range of price points from drugstore/chemists to luxury department store and speciality brands. It's best to read the reviews before taking the plunge, even for the cheaper products. I often like to wear Benefit's Porefessional, which basically sort of blurs your skin and makes it look slightly airbrushed. NYX makes a less expensive dupe also. You can't even feel them on your skin.

If the idea of foundation puts you off (sometimes I feel like I'm painting my skin when I put it on), I really love the face products from Bare Minerals. You put on a clear gel primer, and then two types of powders that convert to a creamy consistency when you brush them on. It's very 'buildable', meaning you can put just a touch on, or you can really pack it on for a lot of coverage. You can get a starter kit that gives you the primer and powers, plus a brush for 24 euro. Here's a tutorial:

You can't go wrong with a bit of blush on the apples of your cheeks -- there are of course bronzers and highlighters up the wazoo, but for the beginner I think we needn't even discuss them. Concealer is also maybe a topic for another day.

8. Attention to the lips will transform your face, but beware! I love the idea of lip colour. I'm always buying lovely lip products with the goal of being a person who wears lipstick. But the truth is, I can't stand the feeling and I am constantly rubbing it off when I blow my nose. So I usually throw on a tinted lip balm and call it a day.

If you want to try something more bold, be honest with yourself about what looks good on you and what actually will stay put. Sometimes we want to be someone who has those perfect matte red lips, but actually it ends up smudging and fading, or on our teeth, and then you look in the mirror an hour after application and it looks like the morning after. So my advice is to prime your lips, use a long-wearing product like a liquid lip with good reviews, and for the love of god use a lip liner if you want it to stay put! They come in clear now so you don't have to worry about hoochie mama lips. I really like the Beauty Youtuber Sharon Farrell, and she's got a good tutorial on how to apply lip colour:

I really like the tinted lip balms from Lush, which they tragically don't make anymore and Body Shop (surprisingly, I'm not into the Burt's Bees ones that are for sale literally everywhere). I'm on the hunt for a new one.

And lastly, if you really want to wear makeup but don't want to look like you're wearing makeup, give the Glossier products a go. Most of them are sheer and very subtle. I love their aesthetic and they've nice little starter sets.

Upstairs Bathroom Renovation, part 5: decisions were made

As we get closer to starting work on our bathroom, I am happy to report that I have BOUGHT SOME THINGS. And some of them have arrived! It's all very exciting. I also changed my mind on something I thought I was sure about, which goes to show you need to be flexible sometimes.
Here's a visual for you!

I was pretty overwhelmed with the electric shower options, to be honest. You can spend as little as 80 euro on an electric shower and as much as 400. And almost every shower at every price point had a good handful of negative reviews, which didn't help my decision. I hadn't intended to get a black one, but as it happens the one I wanted was available in black, so why not? It was the Triton Pello. The tub and basins are ordered- they're pretty basic so I'll leave them for later.

The bath and basin taps arrived from ebay, and they look exactly as I hoped! And when the wallpaper samples arrived, I put them up on the wall. There were some I really loved, but in the end it was this dark floral that really captured us. However, I quickly realised that my marble wasn't going to look nice next to it. I had gotten a sample, and when I held it up next to the wallpaper, it was too cool-toned. Then I remembered this amazing Mexican tile I'd gotten a sample of a couple of years ago from a place in London. And sure enough, it goes perfectly with the orangey yellows in the floral. We both loved it. So that was that decision made.

I'm still very committed to the large black hexagons for the floors, though. It was a real pain to find the size I was looking for, but I finally found a place in Cork who sells them and will ship them to me. I must have sent messages to every tile place in Ireland!

I'm not sure which colour to paint the lower part of the walls, but I've a bit of time to decide. I extracted a couple of samples that might be nice -- there are so many rich colours to choose from that I don't think we can go wrong.

This weekend I managed to strip almost all the paint off of the dresser for the double sinks. I need to remove a bit more varnish, sand it down, and re-stain it, but the really messy bit is done now. I'll post before and after photos when I'm done. 

But it's really happening! Getting ready in the morning is going to be so much more enjoyable when it's done.

Upstairs Bathroom Renovation, part 4: the fun bit

I'm happy to report that we have found someone to do the plumbing, electrical work, and the tiling. He was recommended by a friend and his estimate was exactly what I thought was reasonable. But now that means I need to get all the bits and pieces so that we can do the work! (I say 'we' because actually I'm doing a lot of bits and bobs, like the faux wainscoting, putting up the wallpaper, hanging the curtain rails, etc etc.

But getting the stuff means making decisions! Decisions I've been pondering for over two years! And can you believe - I've decided? Mostly...

First of all, the floor tiles. I've decided to go with a large, black, matte hexagonal floor tile and black grout. Kind of like these, (but with black grout, like in the one on the right):

For the tub surround, I'm going with a smaller marble hexagon shaped tile, but with a spin! I'm going to go for GOLD GROUT. Now, there are glitter additives you can get for grout, but I think I'm actually going to paint the grout and seal it. OR - I might go with the gold glitter additive AND paint it gold, then seal it. There are epoxy products that I am also going to look into. It will have the grout effect of the photo on the left with the tiles on the right:

The rest of the room, which will feature a solid colour for the bottom 120cm of the wall and wallpaper from 120cm to the ceiling, has yet to be decided but I have seriously narrowed it down! 

Here are my top contenders for wallpaper:

Option 1

I love the variety of colours in Option 1, and it's bright and vibrant, but still has a touch of black to tie in with the black floors and fixtures.

Option 2

Right now, I am just in LOVE with Option 2. Some say it's too dark, but I'm not afraid of dark. I think it would look amazing above either a dark burgundy or a dark green colour.

Option 3

I'm always a fan of pink and green together, and I think it would look look great next to the marble. I also like how there is both green and a blue-green in the pattern.

Option 4

I like Option 4, but unless it's amazing in person, I can't imagine it beating out all of the other options. Still, I was curious enough to order a sample.

Option 5

I like this for a lot of the same reasons I like Option 3. I like the colours, the pattern, and the brightness of it.

Option 6

This is obviously the same as Option 4, but with a white background.

Option 7

Option 7 is a bit of a wild card, and would be an entirely different vibe altogether, but I love art deco and I  was curious about this one. I imagine it will be a bit too busy in the end.

What do you think? What's your favourite? Or are there other options you think I should consider?